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Apr. 29th, 2014

(no subject)

in the middle
a tiny piece of me
that I am not ready to find.

Feb. 23rd, 2014

what came to mind today..

this beating in my chest
this metal heart
hard like a rock
wish I could throw it out.

these visions in my head
these dreams
are more painful than pins
stabbing my iris.

maybe if they did I could see more clearly.
the colour of my own demise
motivation to stand
to yell my own name
just so I can hear what
it sounds like.

im sick of sitting like my mother
crossed legs
crossed arms
crossed heart
crossed life.

when i sit down to draw
making art,
is like spending the darkness with my demons.
each one with a more distinct voice than the one before
the candy coated posion they feed me

and so i'm walking
one foot infront of the other
and my friends walk with me too
but they keep going
they never stop
just when my feet cross and i trip
and all the colours that I am
spill out of my mouth
and I can never get them back.
not until I die
not until I remember.

Dec. 15th, 2013

stream of consciousness

chose to part ways
but we are like wings of a bird
don't you think?

I find you while I sleep
eyes closed
you whisper things to me
you stay
and hold a rhythm within me

forget the tears
forget the ripped flesh
that you took with you when you
ripped
into me.

though I don't pretend
to hold you in the light
and mistake the shadows for
grace

you left me wide open
and
ready for change

you broke me open and you
broke me up
and I
forgot what it was like
to love.

but I drink the murky water,
it supplements my murky mind

I make love to the uncertainty
though it places glass shards down my throat

imprints in my skin,
claws of the lioness.
I follow her and she shelters me
she teaches me to wash
the blood from my hands

I won't follow you.
I won't come to you.
I won't forget you
but I can't let you
doors where windows used to be
the only common ground is the decision to
let it be
you
wash away with the tide
while you try to swim to me
I captain a sinking ship
the water drowning me.
my mouth wide open trying to form
the words
your ears cemented shut by the
dust from old inner homes
I fall in the flames
but they lick me like
dogs
my mind clearer than a glass
window
the fog lifts and it's
impermanence catches me
like a father throwing a baseball to his
tiny mystery
my heart expanding
explodes
vibrant colour
new beginnings
etched in my eyes
like flowers at the altar.
















Nov. 29th, 2013

thoughts in the snow...

people stopped believing in themselves a long time ago
no gold medals for the olympics of the soul.
to say that I feel irregular is
an understatement.

sheep, walking and running,
disillusioned.
the shepherd isn't the man,
the white man,
with a lavish office, a lavish house, a lavish life,
who leads the youth astray and idolizes conformity
control,
injustice of the people,
segregation of the people,
oppression,
malnourishment,
decaying of the people.
he thinks he got it all, has it all figured out
but he aint got no lavish soul
he aint got no lavish spirit.

when I wake up, I try to do good with my day
be kind to others because you never know
what terrible oceans they may be sailing with
what they think
is a sinking ship.

my life consists of
blooming flowers within
feeding them soul food
and
awakening the seeds
that the wise man
planted inside my
heart.

can I just say that this life
has it's own rhythm.
it's own rhyme.
Let go of control
you're doing yourself disservice.
Sit, listen, learn. Drop the mask, allow yourself to be loved.
Lose yourself in laughter and the Void
will find you.
what you're seeking can't be found
anywhere other than your place on the map.
Your space, your foundation, your Self.

Why do you talk to yourself as if you're not enough when
everyone knows
by the end,
you were all you got.

grand man in the sky,
raining down suffering, victimization, why me?

Big Mind, All Encompassing Isness,                               


            

                          letting you

                                                       

                                                Be.






Nov. 11th, 2013

(no subject)

sometimes I wonder if the people we meet are just mirrors
when we look at them we react, we recoil, we rejoice,
but really,
we see ourselves.
I can't pretend that time hasn't worn away at my skin
that this life hasn't left me breathless, reckless, heartless.
at night the light flows from the sky and through my eyes I rinse away all the empty lifelines
the times that I wish had been different.
because at times like this,
I realize I'm just as bad as the worst that it gets.
the things I've done, the people I've used just to get what I see as my golden gate.

I used to look at the rain and wish it were sun,
I used to dislike the gray skies because I thought what represented me was the light
but now
I understand that I am the gray sky, and the rain is expressing a piece of me that I couldn't verbalize.
I didn't want to.

I'm just as selfish as a lioness.

Sep. 30th, 2013

unfinished

I am strong when I am quiet
alone
the silence like a warm blanket wrapped around my limbs
though there is no sunshine in my mind
the flowers only bloom when I feed them
and sometimes my supply feels low
tidal waves of emotion
crashing
waking
.

Sep. 23rd, 2013

(no subject)

memories expand into pictures
your face, your pupils burning into my subconscious
a fire so fierce
blue tips escalating
my eyelashes aflame

electric current.
my pores bleed your scent,
there is no calm after the storm

what is it that you do to me?
this dark night,
this stormy sea of
energetic waves

i sail without you.

time lapses
periods of strong fresh air and I can breathe
but then
navajo prints
left marks on my skin
you're always within
always within.

so that I remember...

"You tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.”
― Warsan Shire

Sep. 17th, 2013

eyewave of the soul

jack frost in the mind
cracking and breaking into beautiful divide
sparkling, hanging in suspension.

lost forever in the ever flowing current.

one day you were here,
holding me,
similar to the way the sky holds the moon
present only to those who understand
non duality
or seek to.

something about the way you moved
a voice speaking to me through
the smoothness of your hands
placed gently...
my thigh.

when i close my eyes colours swirl
and I make sense of you through
their aura
a grace that hasn't blown through my harbour
for what feels like
the time it took for the sun to gather all the rays from the sky
and explode into the lion of the cosmos.

time has a funny way of rewinding
when i see your face.
links me to the lost hours
minutes,
seconds that crept away
hidden under blankets and the beads of sweat that fell
from your face and into mine.

if there is a god out there
it's presence has it's way with me.
I don't mind now, it's just that when it penetrates into me my eyes close and I wonder for a split second
if spirit could embrace me. If it could truly hold me for all that I am, have been, will be.
I lose faith, all sensation is lost.
And then some electricity comes and waves hues of turquoise and purple into my eyes
and the glow warms me.
And somewhere deep within me, past curves and crevices that I couldn't name
there is a knowing.

if i forget you,
whats beneath this sack of skin will remember.
inextricably connected to your puzzle pieces.

Aug. 22nd, 2013

stream of consciousness

there atop the mountain
a simple truth
waiting to be found
that the mountain is just a mountain
not big
or tall
but only within the confines of mind.
inhalations like the cold wind that whips along with the stream
exhalations like desert roses and the frost they freeze within
time is a riddle
a grand gesture the universe presents us with
we follow it like lost puppies
and never find from where we came
the clock is ticking or so my body clock says
not that I am dying
maybe just from within.
hours pass by I am a sloth to the machine
it is oiled and probes me without any hesitation
though I do not like it it continues to hit me until i weep
the greatest sigh wells up in my body and I am lost in the void of the magical prowess, the lord
she takes me to the castle where I am unfolded and barren.
strings fall from my sides I am unraveling at the center of my being
eye sockets and bones combust like a science experiment
hair and nails, the only remnants left behind
the soul of a lioness
a cub left laying on the ground.

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